The 1960s provided the context for those styles. Children were often expected to handle life’s bumps on their own, with less supervision. Instead of today’s focus on emotional validation, they were frequently told, “stop crying, go outside, and figure it out.” That upbringing could promote resilience and distress tolerance, but it also caused harm through emotional suppression.
A personal example brings that era to life. The author’s father, raised in a working-class family outside Manchester, England, remembers home conversations about politics, work, and fairness, never about personal feelings. Stories of walking to school alone or settling fights without parents stepping in paint a picture of childhood that stressed self-reliance.
Today’s Parenting Landscape
Today, parenting looks very different. Peter Gray, a research psychologist at Boston College, has examined the decline in free play and what that means for resilience. Gray argues that the drop in independence for children has been linked to rising rates of anxiety, depression, and even suicide. He points out that unsupervised play is an “accidental training ground” for emotional resilience, a place where children build key coping skills.
That connects to the idea of distress tolerance: the ability to sit with discomfort without an immediate fix or being overwhelmed. In the 1960s, everyday life gave children chances to practice this. Today, more adult supervision and quicker intervention often remove those opportunities.
Jean Twenge looked at another angle, studying data on “locus of control” from 1960 to 2002. (Locus of control refers to whether people feel they direct events in their lives or that outside forces do.) Her analysis shows a major shift: young people today feel more externally controlled than earlier generations, and that shift lines up with worsening mental health trends. By 2002, the average young person was more externally oriented than 80 percent of their 1960s counterparts, a worrying move away from internal control and autonomy.
The 1960s approach wasn’t perfect. Emotional suppression and heavy stigma around mental health caused real harm. The modern critique argues we may have swung too far the other way—smoothing every rough edge and, in doing so, weakening children’s confidence and resilience. As Peter Gray emphasizes, play and unsupervised time are important for building the character traits adults need.
Resilience isn’t something you’re born with; it’s a skill you build through experience. The 1960s show a time when resilience often formed naturally through ordinary challenges. Today, it’s important to be intentional about fostering that skill—letting small problems play out and allowing children to tolerate uncertainty and discomfort. These capacities “aren’t born. They’re built”, often in moments when no one is there to help.
Looking back, the goal is a balanced approach to parenting: one that builds resilience while learning from the mistakes of past generations. That balance helps prepare children to meet the complexities of the modern world with confidence and courage.
