A Personal Turn Toward Solitude
Here’s a personal example: a few years ago the author’s best friend moved across the country. The author helped pack, drove the friend to the airport, and tried to stay upbeat. After the friend left, the author pulled into a supermarket parking lot and sat there for 20 minutes, noticing how empty the routines that had included that friend now felt. Moments like that show how much our feelings often hinge on other people.
That period forced the author to face parts of their emotional life they’d been avoiding. The idea of being alone without excuses used to feel terrifying; avoidance was the go-to. Over time, though, the author started carving out deliberate alone time—no podcasts, no task lists—and those moments became more regular. What used to be vague journal entries about “feeling off” turned into a clearer emotional vocabulary.
What Research Says About Solitude and Well-Being
Research supports those observations. A 2021 study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, led by Thuy-vy Nguyen and colleagues, found that people who choose solitude report greater autonomy, competence, and emotional steadiness. Their work showed that opting for solitude is linked to lower depression and better psychological well-being.
Virginia Thomas and Margarita Azmitia at UC Santa Cruz described “solitude as restoration,” noting it helps with identity development and strengthens emotional resilience. When someone builds a healthy relationship with solitude, they’re often better able to connect authentically and stay present in social situations. A 2020 study by Netta Weinstein and colleagues in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology made a useful distinction between self-determined solitude (“I want to be alone because I enjoy it”) and non-self-determined solitude (“I’m alone because social interaction feels too threatening”). The first tends to be linked with well-being; the second can go along with loneliness, anxiety, and depression.
The Upsides and Downsides of Going Solo
People who get comfortable with solitude can build an inner resilience that helps them deal with sudden life changes, like the end of a major relationship. That inner resilience helps keep emotions steady even when outside support fades.
Positive solitude looks like sitting with discomfort without always distracting yourself, processing feelings internally, and enjoying solo activities, eating alone or catching a Saturday afternoon movie, for example. But not all alone time is healthy. Avoidance dressed up as self-care, turning down invites because of anxiety or filling every quiet moment with screens, can make loneliness worse.
Your history matters, too. Growing up in a home where being alone meant you were acting out, and where affection felt tied to performance, shapes expectations about getting emotional stability from others instead of from yourself.
Rethinking Solitude Today
Culturally, we often picture solitary people as sad or troubled and tend to admire those with big social lives. Solitude, when chosen, can be restorative. The real vulnerability comes from never practicing being alone until life forces you into it.
Getting comfortable with solitude, resisting the urge to reach for your phone during quiet moments or feeling guilty about staying in, is a sign of emotional strength. As a therapist told the author: “There’s a difference between withdrawing from people and turning toward yourself.” That distinction clarifies that chosen solitude supports growth, while imposed solitude invites reflection. Embracing the first builds a foundation to carry you through life’s ups and downs.
